Familiar, Chapter 1.

[Fel]

This is the story idea I was talking about.

Editing this gave me time to reorganize myself for finishing revelation12.

Honest opinions, guys, and enjoy.

[scooter012]

Thanks Fel!! much needed!

[Mladen]

Thank you Fel. The premise is fantastic! Like always very creative and believable.
I would very much like to read more as soon as possible.
Feeling conflicted atm. I want more of Familiar but ALSO Revelation!

[Shrith]

Thank you Fel!

[Wolfee]

Thx Fel!

[Blacktiger]

As always, you are a true master at creating worlds! Thanks alot!

[Mark_Reed]

This is good stuff! Interesting premise, and a great potential between the two different settings.

[Isengrim]

It's an interesting premise. The characters look like they'd be fun to follow. It would be interesting to see where you want to take the story.

[Greymist]

Thoughts!

I liked it, as is pretty normal of things you write, thought maybe I have biases, that said!

• It's weird for a chapter to start without a datetime header on it
• There's a lot of early exposition. This comes with the territory of how-Fel-writes, and I enjoy it most of the time (the hard magic system in Sennadar, the tech in Subjugation, etc), but while we were still in the early phase of the story trying to get hooked there as a little too much. The legal/rights battles of Ken to some extent had this, but particularly the chess game rules I actually skimmed over (don't get me wrong, I do enjoy this world building and information, but let me get into the story first).
• If the first familiar's appeared 30 years ago, then that's only 1.5 years in the "other" world, was that really long enough for it to become widespread knowledge in the other world and have them start summoning familiars in such high numbers?
• I think there's an error, maybe you were deciding how things worked, but you said in China familiars that were moved to an island swam until they drowned, resurrected and continued swimming. But elsewhere it says when you die and are summoned/released again you reappear where you were originally summoned (also after that you have no blood sugar, so you wouldn't be swimming anywhere anyway, even if you originally died in the middle of the ocean)
• How does Kiyo know how to fight?
• I think I have more questions but have forgotten them

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[imthejman85]

I'd enjoy reading this as a longer stand-alone story. Not gonna lie, I'd still prefer finishing Subjugation(and finally seeing Tarrin make himself known to Jason), or get more CO content, but hey we take what we can get.

[konman]

Thanks Fel!

[Kacoo]

Woo hoo, thanks very much Fel.

[davids0829]

Reminds me a bit of the Blue Adept. Would definitely like to read some more.

[cdhaag]

A similar type story:
Humans Don't Make Good Familiars
by ArcAngel98
on Royal Road

[DigitalMaestro]

This is a really interesting beginning and I hope you continue to develop it!

If I have any critiques, it would be that you repeated two sets of context narration in four pages. But it still worked out.

Thanks!!