Okay, here it is.
It should be longer, I know. But I got this far and then it just stopped. Trying to break the block, so comments / constructive criticism / feedback welcomed.
Nicolai
Jaris
Moderator: Contributing Authors
Jaris
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An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Re: Jaris
Looks like the makings of a good story. I can understand mental blocks but to me I see several things that should happen soon. One, the cub needs to be taken to a Druid equivalent of the Tower of Sorcery and a powerful Druid take part in his training. Also, a female or two of similar age should quickly become part of his life. Possibly a good one and an evil one with stronger than normal gifts but not as strong as the cub.
A meanwhile thread to the story about an evil counter cub with similar powers and abilities and age who is advancing at an even faster rate than Tarrin's cub. The evil cub or other creature is getting guidance of equally evil creatures of the same race/species. Lots of directions to go, maybe I have inspired an idea? Just pick a couple and go for it. Only your imagination is stopping this story and I want to read more of it.
A meanwhile thread to the story about an evil counter cub with similar powers and abilities and age who is advancing at an even faster rate than Tarrin's cub. The evil cub or other creature is getting guidance of equally evil creatures of the same race/species. Lots of directions to go, maybe I have inspired an idea? Just pick a couple and go for it. Only your imagination is stopping this story and I want to read more of it.
Re: Jaris
I like the intro so far. I assume that the change in verb tense is as a note to yourself to expand that section.
I agree with the above reply, noting that the Druidic Hierarchs should definitely by consulted (or maybe they will butt themselves into his training/testing). Another assumption, but it sounds like you are planning on having 3 Sui-kar - with Jaris being either the "good" one, or more likely with the initial personality quirks, a strong, confident neutral/independant in an eventual three-way match that will try to buffer the other two in the hopes of creating a balance without one of the sides needing to be destroyed.
A suggestion would be that the "evil" one could actually be the weakest of the three (He/She just doesn't mind the collateral damage, so doesn't need to worry as much about using strength to control/modify the effects of using the All.
I would add that Triana should be a little more patient (she seems to be the driving force moving the plot along right from the beginning). Fel always had her being more of a stalking predator type (no matter what the situation is), not the aggressive charge-out and do (without contemplation), nor the meek do-what-I'm-told that she seems to do with Aiyse (She might do as told, but not meekly, and not without some more arrogance in the way she does it). Maybe rewriting that Triana discovers Jarvis's multi-step spell when he is trying to escape and is keeping it back from Tarrin would be one way to do this, or have her make an indirect comment about either his use of "tricks" that makes sense after the insident in the library or his lack of forsight to avoid being caught so quickly (since you are already demonstrating his insightful and wily nature from the beginning).
(then again, reading what I have just written, I am reminded that I have been repeatedly told that I make plots way too convoluted for mere mortals to follow).
I agree with the above reply, noting that the Druidic Hierarchs should definitely by consulted (or maybe they will butt themselves into his training/testing). Another assumption, but it sounds like you are planning on having 3 Sui-kar - with Jaris being either the "good" one, or more likely with the initial personality quirks, a strong, confident neutral/independant in an eventual three-way match that will try to buffer the other two in the hopes of creating a balance without one of the sides needing to be destroyed.
A suggestion would be that the "evil" one could actually be the weakest of the three (He/She just doesn't mind the collateral damage, so doesn't need to worry as much about using strength to control/modify the effects of using the All.
I would add that Triana should be a little more patient (she seems to be the driving force moving the plot along right from the beginning). Fel always had her being more of a stalking predator type (no matter what the situation is), not the aggressive charge-out and do (without contemplation), nor the meek do-what-I'm-told that she seems to do with Aiyse (She might do as told, but not meekly, and not without some more arrogance in the way she does it). Maybe rewriting that Triana discovers Jarvis's multi-step spell when he is trying to escape and is keeping it back from Tarrin would be one way to do this, or have her make an indirect comment about either his use of "tricks" that makes sense after the insident in the library or his lack of forsight to avoid being caught so quickly (since you are already demonstrating his insightful and wily nature from the beginning).
(then again, reading what I have just written, I am reminded that I have been repeatedly told that I make plots way too convoluted for mere mortals to follow).
Re: Jaris
A good part of this story comes to me in lucid dreams, so it's difficult to do extensive planning. Those dreams have been sparse, of late.
I do have a feel for where the story is going in the near term, but I'm going to pull a 'Fel' and keep you all in suspense.
Updates will be sporadic for the foreseeable future. RL is not being kind to me and it creates all sorts of problems with my muse.
I will be working on this and doing my best to get something out.
I do appreciate the comments and suggestions, even though I may not use them.
Nicolai
I do have a feel for where the story is going in the near term, but I'm going to pull a 'Fel' and keep you all in suspense.
Updates will be sporadic for the foreseeable future. RL is not being kind to me and it creates all sorts of problems with my muse.
I will be working on this and doing my best to get something out.
I do appreciate the comments and suggestions, even though I may not use them.
Nicolai
An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
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DigitalMaestro
- Sui'Kun
- Posts: 269
- Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:01 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jaris
Wow.
Great start! I look forward to the continuation.
For the record: Triana, Tarrin, and Sapphire are 3 of the most powerful druids around. The heirarchs are powerful, but most (I believe) are mortal, so they lack the experience of Triana and Sapphire or the regeneration to allow more powerful uses of the All or Sapphire's size which gives her even more capacity to channel the All. And Tarrin is Mi'Shara and one of the greatest magic users on many worlds. The cub couldn't get any more powerful teachers and Triana seems to have trained a few powerful druids successfully already (Tarrin, Jasana) so doubt if there is any reason for him to go to a "tower" for training. Plus Ayise endorsed the three of them already. Why would you deny the AllMother?
Nicolai, don't let these meddlers, or myself distract you. Just follow your muse and stay in-step with the cannon and all will be well.
-DigitalMaestro
Great start! I look forward to the continuation.
For the record: Triana, Tarrin, and Sapphire are 3 of the most powerful druids around. The heirarchs are powerful, but most (I believe) are mortal, so they lack the experience of Triana and Sapphire or the regeneration to allow more powerful uses of the All or Sapphire's size which gives her even more capacity to channel the All. And Tarrin is Mi'Shara and one of the greatest magic users on many worlds. The cub couldn't get any more powerful teachers and Triana seems to have trained a few powerful druids successfully already (Tarrin, Jasana) so doubt if there is any reason for him to go to a "tower" for training. Plus Ayise endorsed the three of them already. Why would you deny the AllMother?
Nicolai, don't let these meddlers, or myself distract you. Just follow your muse and stay in-step with the cannon and all will be well.
-DigitalMaestro
Re: Jaris
Thank you. *bows deeply*DigitalMaestro wrote:Wow.
Great start! I look forward to the continuation.
For the record: Triana, Tarrin, and Sapphire are 3 of the most powerful druids around. The heirarchs are powerful, but most (I believe) are mortal, so they lack the experience of Triana and Sapphire or the regeneration to allow more powerful uses of the All or Sapphire's size which gives her even more capacity to channel the All. And Tarrin is Mi'Shara and one of the greatest magic users on many worlds. The cub couldn't get any more powerful teachers and Triana seems to have trained a few powerful druids successfully already (Tarrin, Jasana) so doubt if there is any reason for him to go to a "tower" for training. Plus Ayise endorsed the three of them already. Why would you deny the AllMother?
Nicolai, don't let these meddlers, or myself distract you. Just follow your muse and stay in-step with the cannon and all will be well.
-DigitalMaestro
I will mention one point that has been brought up. Timewise, this is a minimum of 30-40 years after the end of the Pyrosian Chronicles. Tarrin's mate is Mist, and it has been at least one full cycle of mates to this point. It could easily be multiple cycles, and I do not know the answer to that, nor is it relevant.
Nicolai
An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Re: Jaris
hmm, I like the story very much so far but I have to say that it felt too fast....the discovery that he is a suikar, sapphire's explanation.. etc... It would have been nice for them to be puzzled a little longer about why they can't sense what he does, Ayise perhaps popping in to give some puzzling hints rather than such a direct blatant explanation and then perhaps down the road Sapphire "remembering" the legend of the suikar and how the use of their powers can't be detected.
I disagree with the characterisation that Triana seems different here: In my view, remembering past incidents where Niami was involved, Triana was always very respectful to the goddess and I would think she would even be more respectful and obedient to the mother of the gods especially since she is also the patron goddess of the druids which she is one.
I also do think Ayise should probably have more radiance and something about her that makes her different from Niami perhaps Fel can help there.
Also removing the element of risk by blatantly declaring that Ayise would control his power removes the excitement of teaching him without him losing control. One of the fun aspects of Tarrin was the whole season when he was always afraid of being consumed, and the attempts to throttle him. There should also in my opinion be something he has to pass, some test before he can get to his full potential as a suikar and thus be no longer limited by some threshold over which he could die if he applies too much power.
I disagree with the characterisation that Triana seems different here: In my view, remembering past incidents where Niami was involved, Triana was always very respectful to the goddess and I would think she would even be more respectful and obedient to the mother of the gods especially since she is also the patron goddess of the druids which she is one.
I also do think Ayise should probably have more radiance and something about her that makes her different from Niami perhaps Fel can help there.
Also removing the element of risk by blatantly declaring that Ayise would control his power removes the excitement of teaching him without him losing control. One of the fun aspects of Tarrin was the whole season when he was always afraid of being consumed, and the attempts to throttle him. There should also in my opinion be something he has to pass, some test before he can get to his full potential as a suikar and thus be no longer limited by some threshold over which he could die if he applies too much power.
"Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others." - Oscar Wilde
What actually happened was that George Dubya Bush saw an Iraqi maths teacher carrying a geometry set, accused him of being a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement, and charged him with possessing weapons of maths instruction.
What actually happened was that George Dubya Bush saw an Iraqi maths teacher carrying a geometry set, accused him of being a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement, and charged him with possessing weapons of maths instruction.
Re: Jaris
Nicolai, it's too bad it wasn't the 1960's. I was a teenager then and you could easily have "lucid dreams" anytime you felt like it, and it was cheap to do so. Heck, an ounce of Columbian Gold MJ was only $20.00 and a hit of Mescaline was only around $3.00. Having "Lucid Dreams" was no problem at all. This of course is the reason that most of the truly great music is from the 60's and 70's. 
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khyranleander
- Initiate
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 6:20 pm
Re: Jaris
Being high on mary jane or other drugs doesn't give you lucid dreams -- we're not talking hallucinations or just extra-trippy dreams. They're called "lucid" dreams because you are aware you're asleep, you know it's a dream, and you can decide how the dream goes. It's a rare state of consciousness.
I managed it -- once. I was having a really bad nightmare, you know, with the darkness, the cold wind & sense of someone stalking me. Then: click! "What the hey -- this's gotta be a dream. Well then, screw this malarkey!" Decided I wanted to fly like in my favorite dreams, up into the clouds over my home, then thought I'd try a dramatic sweep of my arm like I was using telekinesis to sweep the air clear. (Ever realize, pushing even a light cloud aside from a few miles away makes it feel really heavy? Leverage and all.) And that was it for the lucid/aware part of my dream, since the strain I put into my imaginary telekinetic sweep was enough to wake me. And alert me to the migraine I'd given myself.
Did get a brief flash of a sunny green valley, though! Oddly enough, that felt well worth the achy temples.
I managed it -- once. I was having a really bad nightmare, you know, with the darkness, the cold wind & sense of someone stalking me. Then: click! "What the hey -- this's gotta be a dream. Well then, screw this malarkey!" Decided I wanted to fly like in my favorite dreams, up into the clouds over my home, then thought I'd try a dramatic sweep of my arm like I was using telekinesis to sweep the air clear. (Ever realize, pushing even a light cloud aside from a few miles away makes it feel really heavy? Leverage and all.) And that was it for the lucid/aware part of my dream, since the strain I put into my imaginary telekinetic sweep was enough to wake me. And alert me to the migraine I'd given myself.
Did get a brief flash of a sunny green valley, though! Oddly enough, that felt well worth the achy temples.
Re: Jaris
Well, we are of an age, then. I'm not so sure about 'recreational pharmaceuticals' contributing to great music, though. I was a trip-sitter, not a user. I remember what I heard from some pretty darned good musicians while they were stoned. Compared to their sober work, it was junk at best.freethrow wrote:Nicolai, it's too bad it wasn't the 1960's. I was a teenager then and you could easily have "lucid dreams" anytime you felt like it, and it was cheap to do so. Heck, an ounce of Columbian Gold MJ was only $20.00 and a hit of Mescaline was only around $3.00. Having "Lucid Dreams" was no problem at all. This of course is the reason that most of the truly great music is from the 60's and 70's.
And when you remember those prices, also remember that $3/hour was considered a living wage back then. I was making $2.50 and thought I was doing pretty good.
As far as lucid dreams go, drug induced hallucinations are so completely different that there is no comparison or similarity.
An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Re: Jaris
Probably was that way for most, but I too was around a lot of band members when high and they created some of their best stuff at that time. Can't be too high while playing live though. Your mind wants to go where "it" wants to go when high and that may have nothing to do with music sometimes. LOL Best used for the creative process and then left out of the presentation of it.nicolai wrote:Well, we are of an age, then. I'm not so sure about 'recreational pharmaceuticals' contributing to great music, though. I was a trip-sitter, not a user. I remember what I heard from some pretty darned good musicians while they were stoned. Compared to their sober work, it was junk at best.freethrow wrote:Nicolai, it's too bad it wasn't the 1960's. I was a teenager then and you could easily have "lucid dreams" anytime you felt like it, and it was cheap to do so. Heck, an ounce of Columbian Gold MJ was only $20.00 and a hit of Mescaline was only around $3.00. Having "Lucid Dreams" was no problem at all. This of course is the reason that most of the truly great music is from the 60's and 70's.
And when you remember those prices, also remember that $3/hour was considered a living wage back then. I was making $2.50 and thought I was doing pretty good.
As far as lucid dreams go, drug induced hallucinations are so completely different that there is no comparison or similarity.
There is a definite need to take notes or record when you are high because your ideas are much too difficult to recreate when straight once again. While it's agreed that much of it comes out garbage like the trials in writing a book or song, but much of it comes out special as well. A couple good joints isn't going to hurt anyone and may give them depth of insight into something they have never realized before. Sure woke me up a few times over the course of my life.