Thor's Child - update to chapter 9

[GBLW]

Here's a little change - a complete rewrite of the story, but still a continuation of what you've read before.

The plot is the same, the characters are the same, but the viewpoint has changed. Instead of the primary character telling the story, my new editor convinced me to re-edit the entire story and have a 'narrator' instead.
At first I thought that only meant I'd deleted a lot of the words spelled 'I, me, my and our' then substitute the words 'he, him, his and their.' Unfortunately it took a little more than that -- okay, a LOT more than that, but I think it improved the story.

While my new editor was at it, she convinced me to remove a lot of dangling participles, modify some of my punctuation and clean up some of my English. (to quote Ellen, my new editor, "If you aren't doing your best, why bother doing it at all.")

Anyway, in the long run, if you want reread the story, I think you'll find it improved. If you don't want to reread the first eight chapters, the only thing which has really been changed is the point of view.

I hope you enjoy what you find in Chapter 10 which has been posted, so I've recycled the other chapters to that space.

KP/GBLW

[DigitalMaestro]

Yay! New chapter!

I probably won't re-read the beginning for a while, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it when I go through my 2nd read.

-DigitalMaestro

...and: FIRST!

[DigitalMaestro]

And what a cliffhanger! Someone's been taking lessons from Dark Master Fel!

[gesit]

good work m8
and like DM said, what an cliffhanger!!
thanks

ham

[dellstart]

yep its the height of bastardy

[GBLW]

a cliffhanger??? Nope, not really. A cliffhanger ending for the chapter would need a few more words, something like;

Tor immediately jumped to his feet and moved in front of the mirror on his closet door, then he gave his idea a try and barely caught himself before celebrating with a loud shout as he watched his reflection disappear. Just then though, his bedroom door swung open and he saw the face of a woman. Her hand raised to cover her mouth and he could see fear in her eyes as she softly whispered, "Tor? Where did you go?"

Edit: (Of course I won't really use that paragraph, but if I did, I would call that a cliffhanger.)

[samuelmichaels]

a cliffhanger??? Nope, not really. A cliffhanger ending for the chapter would need a few more words, something like;

Tor immediately jumped to his feet and moved in front of the mirror on his closet door, then he gave his idea a try and barely caught himself before celebrating with a loud shout as he watched his reflection disappear. Just then though, his bedroom door swung open and he saw the face of a woman. Her hand raised to cover her mouth and he could see fear in her eyes as she softly whispered, "Tor? Where did you go?"

LOL!

A very good, meaty chapter.

[crxbnt]

Thanks! I think I will take the time and re-read the story. It was enjoyable enough the first time, this time should be a pure delight!

Thanks.

[gesit]

a cliffhanger??? Nope, not really. A cliffhanger ending for the chapter would need a few more words, something like;

Tor immediately jumped to his feet and moved in front of the mirror on his closet door, then he gave his idea a try and barely caught himself before celebrating with a loud shout as he watched his reflection disappear. Just then though, his bedroom door swung open and he saw the face of a woman. Her hand raised to cover her mouth and he could see fear in her eyes as she softly whispered, "Tor? Where did you go?"

You really are a devil, aren't you,,,,hihihi
cheers

ham

[Greywolf]

Sounds like it's going to be interesting. I can't wait to read the new take. LOL

[andy_t_roo]

ah, just what i wanted -- something to distract me for the next hour (maby a few more, i should be careful here ...) during this lecture which is about to start.

[Sancria]

wow, that was a sort of evil cliff hanger.

[GBLW]

Just a warning - Work on the next chapter is slower than on previous chapters. I had hoped to have the next chapter done by now, but real life interfered once more.

Part of my slowness is due to another health problem. My last visit to the hospital seems to have left me with a small 'gift' - a case of 'Pink Eye' - dangit! For some reason it seems to be a resistant variety, and is fighting off the doc's treatment. So I'm susceptible to irritation from bright lights at the moment, including the light given off by my computer monitor. No fun!

On top of that, I'll be introducing a few new characters in the next few chapters and I have to create 'back stories' for them, which requires some research -- and that takes time.

Work is progressing, but slowly, so before you ask, it ain't done yet.

KP/GBLW

[Hawkeye]

Thank you for an entertaining story!

Keep up the good work!

Hawkeye

[GBLW]

My last visit to the hospital seems to have left me with a small 'gift' - a case of 'Pink Eye' - dangit! For some reason it seems to be a resistant variety, and is fighting off the doc's treatment. So I'm susceptible to irritation from bright lights at the moment, including the light given off by my computer monitor. No fun!

Dangit, I and the doctor's have been fighting this eye infection for over a month -- they knock it back and I have a day or two of clear eyesight and no pain, then it returns. They no longer think it is just pink eye, but all the tests they've done haven't given them an answer to just what in 'H' it actually is, so I've grown darn good at putting eye drops in both eyes.

I still can't spend a lot of time on the computer, but I haven't forgotten you or the story though.

KP