It's the news you never want to get.

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Fel
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It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Fel »

As most of you know, my mother has been in the hospital for the last couple of weeks due to her breathing. Yesterday, she was moved from the hospital to a rehab facility so she could rebuild her strength enough to move around the house.

This morning, she was completely unresponsive when I called her. She answered the phone but couldn't talk. This kind of non-cognative behavior is not normal for her, so I had her re-admitted to the hospital to find out why she was having cognitive issues.

To make a very long story short, we found out that the cancer has spread to her brain. She has multiple tumors.

At this point, we don't know any more. I have no idea how bad they are. I have no idea how much longer she has. I have no idea if she can come home and spend what time she has left in her home, out of a hospital.

We just don't know.

All I can say is that I haven't been able to process this yet. I'm sure I'm gonna break down sometime tomorrow, when it finally hits me, but for right now...I'm just...numb.

My sister is making arrangements to come down from Maine. She's retired, so she has the time to stay with our mother 24/7 if that's what it takes to keep her from spending what time she has left in a hospital room. We've both agreed that no matter what it takes, our mother is not living out her life in a place where she'll be alone, surrounded by strangers, where we can't even visit her. Even if I have to quit my job, we will not let that happen.

I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to her for that.

So, that's where we are. I don't think I have to say that for now, everything is on hold. I won't be doing any writing, probably for a while. For how long, I cannot tell you. All I can say is that I'll keep you guys up to speed on how things are going.
Just another guy from the shallow end of the gene pool.
JNMC
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by JNMC »

Spend all the time with her you can. My greatest regret in life is that my father died alone in the hospital his last week and a half. Damn Covid to hell and damn cancer, too.
Not a ID
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Not a ID »

Had a neighbor who died from a brain tumor. The regression that happened as it grew was not pleasant for his family or friends. I wish the news was better, spend the time you can with her while you can, we will be around when you're ready to come back. Her story is obviously not going to be so pleasant.

All I can think to say at this time is that I hope things work out for your family at this time, whatever form that may take. As it sounds like things may have progressed into no-win territory for everyone involved.
Andygal
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Andygal »

I'm so sorry.

Take all the time you need.

Fuck cancer.
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mjkj
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by mjkj »

Sad to hear, Fel :(

...and I agree with the others - spend as much time as you can with her - and do not worry about writing...
NSC
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by NSC »

I only know you through your writing, so I'm not sure how to offer empathy/comfort/hope/etc. We all deal with these things in our own way, and from what you have made public I feel that you are truly among those who deal with it in the best ways possible. Continue doing what you are doing, grieve as the need arises, celebrate her life as that need arises, return to your writing when you feel up to it, or not at all if that's what you need. I can't speak for other fans, but I want what's best for you. Prayers are ongoing.
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crxbnt
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by crxbnt »

That is horrible news, and I can only reiterate what others have already said. Spend the time with her that you can. Cancer is horrible for everyone, those with cancer and the people around them.
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Lochar
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Lochar »

Fel wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 1:39 amEven if I have to quit my job, we will not let that happen.
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gnume
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by gnume »

Sadly i know the feeling way to well both my grandmother and my uncle died from brain cancer.
Mycondolences to you and your family.
J-Man5
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by J-Man5 »

I feel for you. Just had mom for the first time in a nursing home respite care week. It helped my dad greatly. But I can’t say either way if it was good bad or indifferent to how it effected mom. Do what you can.

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Grommley
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Grommley »

I saw your tweet that your mom got to come home today. I am sorry to hear the sad news about her health, but glad to see that you are able to have her at home. It is never easy to deal with these situations and we all do it differently. I wish you all the best.
“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”

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CRYUnicornClear
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by CRYUnicornClear »

I completely understand my mom passed last year due to cancer Nov. 9 best thing you can do right now is take a minute and think about what you need to know from favorite recipes to family tree information you think of the most important things first like final plans and insurance needs but once that's settled its the little things that really make a difference maybe she wants to write notes for future birthdays or Christmas take a moment and really think what she may know that you do not that you always rely on her to know from her secret way to get stains out of clothes or carpet to how she organized her junk drawer or important pictures trust me its these details that you really draw comfort from. I wrote down my moms beef stew recipe and make it just so I can have a little taste of her. Find out her wishes and don't forget to take a little time for yourself too. It is important you can not take care of her of you cant take care of yourself.
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trodrian
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by trodrian »

I am sorry this happened.
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Fel
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Fel »

I know it's been a while, but I finally have a moment to breathe.

Mom's home now. She's been home since Saturday, and she's improved dramatically since we got her out of the hospital. She's still terminal (how much time she has even the doctors aren't sure about) but she's much more lucid now.

The hospital very nearly killed her.

My sister is a registered nurse, so I don't make that accusation lightly. While there, my mother complained of pain caused by constipation. The hospital's answer to that was to put her on morphine...which CAUSES CONSTIPATION. Whatever doctor prescribed that morphine clearly didn't even bother to examine her, or he would have known better. It also created a feeback loop where the pain got worse, they responded by increasing the morphine, which only made the constipation more severe, thus causing more pain. When she arrived home, my mother was so constipated that she was impacted. That's a medical term for when your colon is so overfilled that it starts to stretch, and the waste in your colon becomes so dense and hard that it's like a rocky plug blocking any movement.

My sister estimates that if I hadn't gotten her out of the hospital when I did, she would have died from sepsis caused by a ruptured colon by the end of this week.

To say that both of us are beyond furious is the mother of all understatements, and we are never taking her back to that hospital again. I haven't ruled out a lawsuit. What they did to her was straight up malpractice.

Now that we've dealt with the impaction problem (which was very messy...literally), Mom is feeling much better. She's more lucid, but she's not nor will ever be fully cognizant again. She can hold a conversation, but the tumor in her brain has affected her memory and her ability to focus. But her personality is still intact, so it's the mother that we both know talking back to us, and that is a true blessing.

My grandmother had a stroke and became bedridden. I've had to deal with helping take care of someone that you know and love...that isn't who you know anymore. That's why I am so thankful that the tumor hasn't taken who my mother is from her.

Right now, me and my sister are trying to settle our mom into a routine, as well as settling into a routine of trading off shifts to stay with her between us. Sadly, it's been hardest on my poor cat Patches, who's been left at home alone (my mother actually lives nextdoor and we've settled her in over there because her house has central heating where mine doesn't) while I spend almost every waking moment with my mom. Mom's breathing can't handle me bringing my cat over there, so Patches has been left by herself long enough to start getting destructive.

Well, that's about all I have time for. I'm over at my house doing some laundry, and I had a spare moment to sit down and post this. I'm about to go back over there and spell my sister so she can take a nap.

I have twitter on my phone, so you may see me pop up over there from time to time, whenever Mom's sleeping and I have a little free time.

Talk to you guys soon.
Just another guy from the shallow end of the gene pool.
Andygal
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Re: It's the news you never want to get.

Post by Andygal »

Thank you for the update, you are in my thoughts.
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