Quick update concerning my mother.

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Fel
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Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Fel »

Taking this chance before my day starts to catch everyone up on how things are going with my mom. The last couple of weeks have been dominated by tests and X-rays and CT scans, because the radiation used in her treatment has left her body and now they can see what's going on without that radiation interfering with the images.

Simply put...my mother's situation is a mixed bag that's drained us emotionally.

The good news was, we found out last Friday that the radiation therapy was a partial success. It reduced the size of the tumors in her lungs.

The bad news is, while doing the scans to check her lungs, they found a spot on her liver.

Talk about a savage gut punch. We heard about the tumors shrinking first and thought things were improving, that she was going to be okay, then they called her back in for more scans without telling us why, which was a little confusing. And then they told us about the new spot on her liver.

We don't know what it is yet, but given she has stage IV lung cancer, the doctors are fairly certain that it's malignant. If it is, they need to determine if it spread from her lungs or if it developed independently. Knowing that is very important, because it will tell us if there's any chance she can undergo treatment or if her cancer has reached the terminal stage.

Right now, things are in limbo for her, and for my family. She hasn't decided if she even wants to pursue treatment if it turns out to be malignant. I'm not sure if you guys know much about cancer, but when it spreads to a major organ like the liver, that means that it's more or less unstoppable without highly aggressive treatment like chemo...and my mother's health can't take an aggressive treatment like that.

So, that's where we are. We have two more doctor's appointments today, and by the time we're done, my mom will be so exhausted that she won't be able to get out of her chair.

All we can do now is find out more, and once we know, Mom will decide what she wants to do. Given how hard the radiation was on her, I'm not sure she'll pursue any additional treatment. She's the kind that would prefer to have what time she has left to be quality time, rather than spend the rest of her life struggling and suffering as much from the treatments meant to keep her alive as the disease that's killing her. All I know is that whatever she decides, I'll be here for her.
Just another guy from the shallow end of the gene pool.
kal
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by kal »

Good luck for your mom and your whole family.
NSC
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by NSC »

Glad to hear about the improvement, and sorry at the same time about the new news.cc

Between my wife and father over the past year and a half, I've learned far more about cancer that I wanted to. My wife's response to her chemo is spectacular, my dad's not so much and his cancer returned in a different area. He's currently in rehab, and under the Covid restrictions nobody can visit him.

I hope things go well and comfortable for your mom and family. As you mentioned, the decision is one she has to make. Best of luck.
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trodrian
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by trodrian »

Wish there was more I could say or do than just 'My prayers are with you and your mom'.
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Cougar2k2
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Cougar2k2 »

Very sorry hear about this. Best of luck to your mother and your entire family. My prayers are with all of you especially your mother.
"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed."
--Paulo Coelho
J-Man5
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by J-Man5 »

Fel wrote: Wed Nov 25, 2020 12:29 pmI'll be here for her.
And that sums up what a good man and son you are. I’m going through similar here at home. My mom has had a couple of cancer surgeries and on the last one with radiation. Sadly it is on top of her Alzheimer’s. So the radiation and anesthesia has altered her previously docile personality into a combative grumpy screaming one. She was just put under hospice. And that will help to bring in care effort her and my dad who has been the full time care giver.

Keep at what you are doing. She knows you love her and take care of yourself too. Stress is the enemy of caregivers. It is something we internalize. Ask about programs. She may qualify for palative care if she is still treating her cancer. She will qualify for hospice care is she decides to stop.

Know that by having help and care from others doesn’t mean you don’t love her enough. It means you want her to get the best care to make her comfortable. And help keep her healthy as long as possible.

Take care good man! For what you do and how you do it is it’s own reward.

J-Man5
mbeau
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by mbeau »

I feel your pain and sorta understand.

My dad with through treatment (surgery, chemo) for colon cancer in the spring. A recent blood test showed the cancer has returned, and he has been scheduled for "urgent" tests.

Fuck cancer.
Andygal
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Andygal »

Lost my uncle to metastatic cancer just a few months ago, To add extra suck to the suck pile we couldn't spend time with him during his last months due to the lockdowns.

Anyway, enough about my problems, best wishes to you and your family.
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calista241
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by calista241 »

GL Fel. My mom survived cancer a few years ago, so it's possible she comes through this. Best wishes to you and your family.
Sancria
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Sancria »

Hey Fel,

I can't begin to imagine how you and your family are doing right now. I work in health care and I see families going through it all the time. All I can say is be the son you want to be. Be there for your family and know that you're getting strangers from far away to spend a moment to think of you and your family.

It's rough trying to navigate the health system. I'm not sure how it is in the US, but in Canada we have something called a cancer coach. They help families and patients navigate the system and understand what is actually happening. All to often, doctors give you the news and you can't understand the jargon or are simply unable to process the information; the cancer coach's job is to lay out what the next steps could look like. They help families with finding hotel rooms if they have to travel for treatment, or help prepare families for the next steps in the journey.

I don't know if you have access to something like that but I can say with assurance that it's easier to be strong when you have a team supporting you. I know by reaching out, you've already started gathering your support team. Now go and take time for you family.
I'd gladly travel back in time, except I would have to wait longer for the next chapter of Fel's work...sorry, pass.
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Fel
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Fel »

Mom's back in the hospital.

Just about everything is on the back burner until she's home.
Just another guy from the shallow end of the gene pool.
NSC
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by NSC »

Sorry to hear about your mom. Hope you can get permission to at least visit, as it seems you are her caretaker. We just got my dad home after over 3 weeks between the hospital and rehab center, and he wasn't allowed any visitors at all no matter who we were. It's frustrating for all, all around.
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Fel
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by Fel »

So, the last few days happened.

Simply put, my mother almost died. She went to the hospital because she was having severe problems breathing back on Thursday, and the docs said it was her COPD and a case of mild pneumonia.

Yesterday, she had some kind of severe COPD attack. Simply put, if she wouldn't have already been in the hospital, she would be dead.

She'll be in the hospital a while longer, because we have to arrange things so she can get care when I'm at work. I'd quit and take care of her full time in a heartbeat, but if I do that, we don't eat. My salary is what keeps food on our table and the lights on. So, what we're going to do is arrange in-home care for her for when I can't be there. I'm also going to get her one of those medic alert systems, so she only has to press a button to get help in case she has something happen. Her COPD means she may not be able to talk if she tries to call someone if she has another attack, so the medic alert will get her help with just a button press.

Needless to say, I'm quite freaked out about this. The idea that if she wouldn't have gone to the hospital, I would have come home to find her laying dead on the floor has shaken me. And it's left me feeling very helpless, which I suppose is a normal reaction. Right now, getting Mom the care she needs when I can't be there is the most important thing.
Just another guy from the shallow end of the gene pool.
DigitalMaestro
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by DigitalMaestro »

Praying for you and yours
NSC
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Re: Quick update concerning my mother.

Post by NSC »

You are doing the best you can. Please don't feel like it's not enough. The medic alert and home care are excellent steps. Prayers for you and your mother.
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