gotta love seth green and the robot chicken guys
Jokes Thread
Moderator: Sennadar Moderators
Re: Jokes Thread
gotta love seth green and the robot chicken guys
God made pot, man made booze, who do trust, what would you choose
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firedrake3
- Katzh-dashi
- Posts: 110
- Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:51 am
- Location: Europe
Re: Jokes Thread
A man goes to the doctor... "I'm addicted to Twitter", he says... Doctor says: "I'm sorry, I don't follow you"
An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
-
firedrake3
- Katzh-dashi
- Posts: 110
- Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:51 am
- Location: Europe
Re: Jokes Thread
Service Oriented Programming
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years, it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years, it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
An objective definition of "Political Correctness":
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and
rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the
proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Re: Jokes Thread
haha. I like that.firedrake3 wrote:Service Oriented Programming
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years, it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service."
Re: Jokes Thread
what did rummel say to patton after patton kicked his butt
tanks alot
submit groans here.......
tanks alot
submit groans here.......
God made pot, man made booze, who do trust, what would you choose
Re: Jokes Thread
ok here is a better one
A southern preacher gets out of simonary school and is ready for his first sermen. On sunday he starts and is real nervous and stutters and pauses.
When he 's through he goes to the decons and asks
"ddid ii do oookay?"
the head decon says. "Son you need to relax up there next sunday. So put a little burbon in your polput picher and it will relax you.
Well comw next sunday he over dose it and what was water now looks like strong tea. He gulps a full glass and it hits him like lightning from god. He's preaching things that's never been in the bible and never will be.
He gets through and stumbles over to the decons.
"hhowwd iddo d'i do k?"
Well the decons are mad the head decon says.
"Boy you did okay i guess but two things we can not forgive."
"First its a pineapple eating contest at st. peters not a peter eating contest at st. pineapple and
GOD JESSUS AND THE HOLY GHOST ARE NOT TO BE REFERRED TO AS
BIG DADDY JR. AND THE SPOOK!!!"
A southern preacher gets out of simonary school and is ready for his first sermen. On sunday he starts and is real nervous and stutters and pauses.
When he 's through he goes to the decons and asks
"ddid ii do oookay?"
the head decon says. "Son you need to relax up there next sunday. So put a little burbon in your polput picher and it will relax you.
Well comw next sunday he over dose it and what was water now looks like strong tea. He gulps a full glass and it hits him like lightning from god. He's preaching things that's never been in the bible and never will be.
He gets through and stumbles over to the decons.
"hhowwd iddo d'i do k?"
Well the decons are mad the head decon says.
"Boy you did okay i guess but two things we can not forgive."
"First its a pineapple eating contest at st. peters not a peter eating contest at st. pineapple and
GOD JESSUS AND THE HOLY GHOST ARE NOT TO BE REFERRED TO AS
BIG DADDY JR. AND THE SPOOK!!!"
God made pot, man made booze, who do trust, what would you choose
Re: Jokes Thread
The World’s Funniest Real Ads
Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.
Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.